Boundaries & Bottom Lines
Do not give up if things are not going your way. Go to plan B; the leverage strategy.
It sets up consequences of inaction, such as the loss of a job or important relationships. Yes, it's a little hard core, but it can be an effective motivator. You apply Plan B by spelling out consequences firmly but kindly.
Money can be a great motivator when other things fail. Shelter, food, clothes can also be motivating.
In other words, Plan B involves making use of consequences that help a person give change a chance. While I firmly believe we use only as much pressure as needed, at times consequences are the way we help get someone unstuck from saying no.
Saying, " the bank is closed: today we begin investing our financial and other resources and energies behind recovery and sustainability instead of the crisis", is a powerful statement.
No matter what you use as leverage, it can only be played when there is a consensus to back it up.
Some examples:
Carefully prepared, structured consequences usually leave an individual with more motivation to join the fight for change. It is extremely important that these statements only be made when the family or friends are totally committed to following through. Few things do more damage than threats made without the ability or intention to follow through.
It sets up consequences of inaction, such as the loss of a job or important relationships. Yes, it's a little hard core, but it can be an effective motivator. You apply Plan B by spelling out consequences firmly but kindly.
Money can be a great motivator when other things fail. Shelter, food, clothes can also be motivating.
In other words, Plan B involves making use of consequences that help a person give change a chance. While I firmly believe we use only as much pressure as needed, at times consequences are the way we help get someone unstuck from saying no.
Saying, " the bank is closed: today we begin investing our financial and other resources and energies behind recovery and sustainability instead of the crisis", is a powerful statement.
No matter what you use as leverage, it can only be played when there is a consensus to back it up.
Some examples:
- We can no longer give you financial assistance.
- Contact with the kids will be cut off until you agree to get some kind of treatment. We have the right to remove the kids from destructive influences.
- The police will be called when we fear for your safety or ours.
- You'll have to move out until you get your anger under control which means enrollment in an anger management program.
- You'll have to move out until you get your drinking under control which means enrollment in outpatient treatment for alcoholism.
- We'll have to close your accounts.
- I will no longer cover up for you.
- I'll have to take your drivers license.
- You can no longer use the family car.
- If you continue to resist change, you will lose your job.
- Refusing to accept treatment means that we'll have to separate (or divorce). I will no longer stand by and watch you destroy your life AND ours.
Carefully prepared, structured consequences usually leave an individual with more motivation to join the fight for change. It is extremely important that these statements only be made when the family or friends are totally committed to following through. Few things do more damage than threats made without the ability or intention to follow through.