Family Meeting
You've brought together a group of people close to your loved one and so it's time for action.
Whatever the situation you are not going at it alone. There is strength in numbers. All of you are upholding, sustaining, and strengthing one another. Everything will go well because your efforts are grounded in deep, genuine love.
The Setting
You will want to hold the family meeting in familiar surroundings, usually someone's home, where everyone will feel comfortable. Have food present, and drinks.
As important is where each person sits. The seating arrangement makes a huge difference in the tone and atmosphere. I will guide you in this positioning.
Everyone else should be within arms length of your loved one, ready to connect with love and hugs. This arrangement creates a sense of bonding and belonging.
Your Change Message
The iTeam prepares their change message. It recounts how the person's behavior has affected you and is expressed at the family meeting. It clearly delineates behaviors you will no longer tolerate and conveys how much you care.
It's about presenting reality to someone in a way they can receive it.
The change message expresses love, but demands immediate change.
Crafting the change message is a key part of the personal renovation and like all renovations it requires the use of delicate tools; bringing in the bulldozer may wreck the whole contraption.
The Change Message Tools
We speak eye to eye and heart to heart. Few things are better than an iWitness Account at the scene. It adds veracity to what has occurred.
With these tools you, calmly paint a picture. In other words you'll verbally offer a visual scene of how you want someone to change. When you learn to speak in pictures, you'll get the result you're looking for. You'll persuade your loved one to get help before he or she completely crumbles.
The change message will also identify what your loved one's primary reservations are likely to be, and what your bottom line is.
Whatever you do, don't call your loved one out for his stupid antics or blame him for being crazy and irresponsible - it will just make him defensive.
Put the onus on you and say something like, "It freaked me out when you ...," or, "I felt afraid for our family because ...", "I haven't seen you for a long time, but your sister has been confiding in me..." This will clue him in to the fact that his actions are affecting others. Often, the eyewitness account alone is enough for him to turn the tide.
The Meeting
Do what you do normally when you gather as a family or a group. Some families eat pizza together; some gather in the den; others gather around the kitchen table. Gather where you graze. In other words, whatever your social dynamic is, do it.
Turn off all cell phones. No tissues allowed! Let the tears and emotions flow!
Keep connected with your loved one. If he or she wants to go out and have smoke or get some fresh air, someone should go with them.
Let us guide you and listen. We have helped many people and we have the ability to be emotionally disconnected to th ebb and flow, the hot and cold in the moment.
Whatever the situation you are not going at it alone. There is strength in numbers. All of you are upholding, sustaining, and strengthing one another. Everything will go well because your efforts are grounded in deep, genuine love.
The Setting
You will want to hold the family meeting in familiar surroundings, usually someone's home, where everyone will feel comfortable. Have food present, and drinks.
As important is where each person sits. The seating arrangement makes a huge difference in the tone and atmosphere. I will guide you in this positioning.
Everyone else should be within arms length of your loved one, ready to connect with love and hugs. This arrangement creates a sense of bonding and belonging.
Your Change Message
The iTeam prepares their change message. It recounts how the person's behavior has affected you and is expressed at the family meeting. It clearly delineates behaviors you will no longer tolerate and conveys how much you care.
It's about presenting reality to someone in a way they can receive it.
The change message expresses love, but demands immediate change.
Crafting the change message is a key part of the personal renovation and like all renovations it requires the use of delicate tools; bringing in the bulldozer may wreck the whole contraption.
The Change Message Tools
- What have you seen? (iWitness account)
- What are your fears? (Flash forward)
- What are your hopes? (Resolution)
We speak eye to eye and heart to heart. Few things are better than an iWitness Account at the scene. It adds veracity to what has occurred.
With these tools you, calmly paint a picture. In other words you'll verbally offer a visual scene of how you want someone to change. When you learn to speak in pictures, you'll get the result you're looking for. You'll persuade your loved one to get help before he or she completely crumbles.
The change message will also identify what your loved one's primary reservations are likely to be, and what your bottom line is.
Whatever you do, don't call your loved one out for his stupid antics or blame him for being crazy and irresponsible - it will just make him defensive.
Put the onus on you and say something like, "It freaked me out when you ...," or, "I felt afraid for our family because ...", "I haven't seen you for a long time, but your sister has been confiding in me..." This will clue him in to the fact that his actions are affecting others. Often, the eyewitness account alone is enough for him to turn the tide.
The Meeting
Do what you do normally when you gather as a family or a group. Some families eat pizza together; some gather in the den; others gather around the kitchen table. Gather where you graze. In other words, whatever your social dynamic is, do it.
Turn off all cell phones. No tissues allowed! Let the tears and emotions flow!
- Don't argue, yell, or otherwise raise your voice.
- Don't preach, belittle, or badmouth.
- Don't use the faliy meeting as a forum for hostile attacks or recrimination.
- Keep the tone honest but loving and dignified.
- Show patience and respect for all member in the circle of change
- Conduct the meeting with calmness and love
Keep connected with your loved one. If he or she wants to go out and have smoke or get some fresh air, someone should go with them.
Let us guide you and listen. We have helped many people and we have the ability to be emotionally disconnected to th ebb and flow, the hot and cold in the moment.
